Our trusty Athletics Director has been praised by the academic administration for his diligent efforts to bilk the alumni for millions of dollars to build great facilities for its athletics programs (including football stadium renovations, an updated baseball field, a new softball field, and probably new shoes for himself). This undeniable truth leaves State fans quite weary of Lee's motivations when compared with the win-loss records of the teams he has "build" (or at least, held candles to). Either way, I believe there is something motivating Lee beyond athletic success. I think, he wants to make a bid to become President of the United States of America. I know this sounds crazy, but read me out (or hear me out, if you read aloud).
1) Lee is old. Prior to Barack Obama, most of our presidents averaged 50 years of age. In fact, Bill Clinton was freeze-dried during his last term as Arkansas governor to enhance his youthful appearance. Being of age, Lee might need to retire from public scrutiny, and what better way to alleviate stress of the job than by running for federal office.
2) Lee is large. Given his gurth, Lee might want a job where his meals are prepared for him. The White House, I hear, has a kitchen with full staff available for making food. I hear they can bake too.
3) Lee likes to wear suits. I know this might be a bit of a stretch, but Lee is a tie-wearing son-of-a-gun. He also enjoys fishing and listening to water evaporate.
4) Lee is white. I know that our recent election results have placed the first minority male into the White House, but Lee is primed and ready to return the White House to its "white"-ful place in America. Also, instead of a garden, Lee plans to move Lake Gaston to the White House North Lawn.
Given these pieces of "evidence," it is certainly possibly probable that Lee will step down as NC State's Athletics Director and run for the Presidency. One last caveat -- The Green Party needs some "new" blood.
I have a friend that saw Lee Fowler at the Cryogenics Lab last week. He was signing up to be frozen, cloned and then brought back in 2056. My buddy said that he spoke with Fowler, and was told that Lee planned to re-animate at that time, and meet himself. He would then talk himself into tricking people into thinking he has the ability to teleport. He thought that this would give him the power to influence enough people to vote for him, in the 2060 US Presidential Election.
ReplyDeleteAlso, he was trying to disprove the old adage about 'having your cake, and eating it, too.'
In the near future, we will miss Lee Fowler, but fear not Pack fans, he will return. Maybe, by then, the NCSU Basketball Program will have won some sort of championship.